The online magazine Slate recently posted an article on a subject near and dear to my heart .
Beer.
It seems that:
From this, the author, Field Maloney, deduces:
Not so fast, my pantywaisted Slate magazine friends. Let me see if I have this straight. The author, Field Maloney, views what was undoubtedly some stupid wine advertisement during a football game, and then, combined with evidence of wine's increasing popularity, somehow extrapolates that wine has become a manly drink?
Sorry, but no.
There is nothing "manly" about drinking wine. Nothing. I don't have the figures, but I'm guessing the ratio of beer-to-wine sales at sporting events, concerts, or wherever else men gather in large numbers (like Nascar and strip clubs), is grossly in beer's favor. I'm willing to bet this isn't even close.
Real men drink beer. Wine is permitted during special meals, anniversaries, celebrations, and holidays. But it is not the standard alcoholic beverage of choice. Walk into a sports bar, or any bar for that matter, and order a chardonnay or a merlot. Its the easiest way I know to pronounce that you are, in fact, a effeminate and pretentious asshole.
Wine consumption among American males could very well be rising, and it could be doing so at a considerable rate. I do not care. Any increase in American male wine consumption is because, thanks to feminism and nanny-state liberalism, men are becoming pussies, and are becoming so at an alarming rate.
Wine is not "manly." Never has been, never will be.
The majority of men may one day prefer wine to beer. All this will mean is that this majority of men are not really "men" at all.
Beer.
It seems that:
. . . wine consumption in this country has nearly doubled in the last decade, while beer sales have been pretty much stagnant, growing less than 1 percent since 2000. Even more galling, in 2005 a Gallup poll revealed that, for the first time ever, Americans preferred wine to beer.
From this, the author, Field Maloney, deduces:
Of course, the rise of the American fine-wine industry has spurred the broader acceptance of wine here. But who'd have guessed wine would join beer at the football game? Watching last winter's Giants-Eagles NFL playoff, I saw an ad for a cell-phone plan featuring a graying, rugged-looking man strolling through his vineyard and examining dusty bottles of older vintages in his cellar. Winning over football fans with wine! It was as if the "But of course!" Grey Poupon man of the '80s TV ads had become an unironic icon for the WWE. Somehow, wine had become manly.
Not so fast, my pantywaisted Slate magazine friends. Let me see if I have this straight. The author, Field Maloney, views what was undoubtedly some stupid wine advertisement during a football game, and then, combined with evidence of wine's increasing popularity, somehow extrapolates that wine has become a manly drink?
Sorry, but no.
There is nothing "manly" about drinking wine. Nothing. I don't have the figures, but I'm guessing the ratio of beer-to-wine sales at sporting events, concerts, or wherever else men gather in large numbers (like Nascar and strip clubs), is grossly in beer's favor. I'm willing to bet this isn't even close.
Real men drink beer. Wine is permitted during special meals, anniversaries, celebrations, and holidays. But it is not the standard alcoholic beverage of choice. Walk into a sports bar, or any bar for that matter, and order a chardonnay or a merlot. Its the easiest way I know to pronounce that you are, in fact, a effeminate and pretentious asshole.
Wine consumption among American males could very well be rising, and it could be doing so at a considerable rate. I do not care. Any increase in American male wine consumption is because, thanks to feminism and nanny-state liberalism, men are becoming pussies, and are becoming so at an alarming rate.
Wine is not "manly." Never has been, never will be.
The majority of men may one day prefer wine to beer. All this will mean is that this majority of men are not really "men" at all.
Why You Should Never Get Loaded on a Work Night
0 Comments Published by Ryan on 5/30/2007 at 6:19 PM.
Today was hellish - absolutely brutal - and I have no-one to blame but myself. Last night I threw one too many back at Fridays, and I paid dearly for it today. I'd probably have to go all the way back to my college days (a whole 5 years ago) to equal this level of alcohol induced misery.
The scary part is that, all things considered, I really didn't drink that much - maybe 8 beers. Not that the number really matters anyway - I woke up this morning feeling like I drank a bottle of tequila (Patron silver, please).
All of this boozing made for quite an adventure this morning down in probate court. As if the 1.5 hour commute into work wasn't bad enough, I spent the morning at the probate court's "emergency walkthrough," which is essentially a cattle-call that allows attorneys to "walk-through" emergency motions (i.e. admitting a will to probate, appointing a personal representative, cattle-prodding the remains of dead relative, etc.)
I must be getting old.
The scary part is that, all things considered, I really didn't drink that much - maybe 8 beers. Not that the number really matters anyway - I woke up this morning feeling like I drank a bottle of tequila (Patron silver, please).
All of this boozing made for quite an adventure this morning down in probate court. As if the 1.5 hour commute into work wasn't bad enough, I spent the morning at the probate court's "emergency walkthrough," which is essentially a cattle-call that allows attorneys to "walk-through" emergency motions (i.e. admitting a will to probate, appointing a personal representative, cattle-prodding the remains of dead relative, etc.)
I must be getting old.
Why Lawyers Generally Suck (Part 1,428 in a recurring series)
0 Comments Published by Ryan on 5/24/2007 at 8:10 PM.
This morning we had a pretty important deposition, which was being held in our main conference room. It's probably the biggest case we have - a vehicular wrongful death - and we represent the family of the guy who got creampied by a tractor-trailer. Today was the deposition of the state trooper who was first on the scene.
As you might imagine, these depositions can get pretty heated. To make matters worse, each one of the defendants' insurance carriers (currently at 5) have denied insurance coverage and filed declaratory relief actions. To make matters completely unbearable, this means that there are now ten separate lawyers involved in our case.
By the way, if you ever really want to drive yourself to the brink of suicide, you know, just to see how much pain and misery you can actually handle, try locking yourself in a room with ten lawyers for 6-8 hours. After the first few hours, I'm ready to fake a seizure to get myself out of there. After 4-5 hours, I'm ready to jump out the fucking window.
Back to my story. I always assumed it was universally accepted that upon arriving at someone else's office - whether it be a doctor, lawyer or janitorial assistant - one is supposed to check-in at the front desk and have a seat in the lobby/waiting room, as opposed to strolling through the office like you fucking own the place.
Today I learned that apparently, not everyone got this memo.
This morning I actually witnessed some pretentious bimbo stroll past our receptionist, past two of our paralegals, and proceed directly into our conference room, which was still in process of being 'set-up' by the court reporter for the upcoming deposition.
I informed this woman that, unless she was assisting the court reporter, she would have to wait in the lobby with the other lawyers. "Do I look like a court reporter?", she responded. Now, I've been a lawyer for almost two years now, but I still haven't gotten use to dealing with these smug, indignant, assclowns. It turns out she was an attorney representing one of the insurance companies, and given her reaction, you would have thought I committed the mysterious eighth deadly sin of "thou shall not confuse pompous windbag attorneys with court reporters"
I mean, what the hell does a court reporter look like anyway? This lady (and I use that term loosely) was wearing a business suit and sitting next to a fucking stenography machine. Are you kidding me? Its little things like this that make me wish I got hit by a bus during law school.
As you might imagine, these depositions can get pretty heated. To make matters worse, each one of the defendants' insurance carriers (currently at 5) have denied insurance coverage and filed declaratory relief actions. To make matters completely unbearable, this means that there are now ten separate lawyers involved in our case.
By the way, if you ever really want to drive yourself to the brink of suicide, you know, just to see how much pain and misery you can actually handle, try locking yourself in a room with ten lawyers for 6-8 hours. After the first few hours, I'm ready to fake a seizure to get myself out of there. After 4-5 hours, I'm ready to jump out the fucking window.
Back to my story. I always assumed it was universally accepted that upon arriving at someone else's office - whether it be a doctor, lawyer or janitorial assistant - one is supposed to check-in at the front desk and have a seat in the lobby/waiting room, as opposed to strolling through the office like you fucking own the place.
Today I learned that apparently, not everyone got this memo.
This morning I actually witnessed some pretentious bimbo stroll past our receptionist, past two of our paralegals, and proceed directly into our conference room, which was still in process of being 'set-up' by the court reporter for the upcoming deposition.
I informed this woman that, unless she was assisting the court reporter, she would have to wait in the lobby with the other lawyers. "Do I look like a court reporter?", she responded. Now, I've been a lawyer for almost two years now, but I still haven't gotten use to dealing with these smug, indignant, assclowns. It turns out she was an attorney representing one of the insurance companies, and given her reaction, you would have thought I committed the mysterious eighth deadly sin of "thou shall not confuse pompous windbag attorneys with court reporters"
I mean, what the hell does a court reporter look like anyway? This lady (and I use that term loosely) was wearing a business suit and sitting next to a fucking stenography machine. Are you kidding me? Its little things like this that make me wish I got hit by a bus during law school.
